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Old 04-25-2010, 03:34 PM   #1
ShadowHunter
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****ing Batman

So today's the last day of classes before Easter break, and I'm going home for the weekend tomorrow - got some family obligations to take care of, and I miss my dog. Anyway, I have to go into town and pick some Easter stuff up beforehand, and I don't want to drive, so I'm at the bus stop, waiting for the bus.

Now, one thing you've got to understand about Transperth (i.e. the bus company around here) is that the timetables - they're kind of more of a general guide than any kind of adhered-to schedule sort of thing. So when the bus was about 5 minutes late, I wasn't too concerned. At least, not at first.

Suddenly, I see a big green bus coming round the corner and through the roundabout up the road - the number on the front is right - it's the bus I'm waiting for. But this thing is taking the roundabout at about 70 km/h - that's a damned impressive sight BTW - a full sized bus taking a roundabout that fast - wow.

Anyway, the bus comes screaming up the road and pulls into the bus stop with the screech and well known smell of brakes applied just that little bit too much. Then the door hisses open and I get a look inside.

Now, I take this bus fairly often, but the driver's always changing, but there are a few constants one learns to expect. However, none of those are "Black Cape, Mask, Rubber torso, utility belt". And you also don't tend to see middle aged men in Transperth uniforms lying in a small but slowly growing pool of blood next to the drivers seat. Yep, you guessed it. Batman was driving my bus.

"Tickets please."

Now, I was a little surprised by all this, as you can imagine, so I tried to start up a bit of a dialogue.

"Batman, dude, What the **** man! Did you just beat that guy up? He's ****ing bleeding and ****!"
"He was going to make the bus late! He was waiting for these old women at the last stop - slowest pair of *****es I've seen since Poison Ivy accidentally gave that sloth serum to her minions instead of the GCPD."
"The bus is still late though."
"Ah yes," he says, with this sort of half smile that could have meant nearly anything. I guess it's hard to be visually emotive with a massive rubber mask covering the top half of your head. "But he would have made it later!"
"Still - I think the response is a bit out of proportion, don't you? I'm pretty sure he needs to go to hospital or something."

At this point, I think he got kind of pissed, because he gets up out of the seat, jumps off the bus and just sort of walks off mumbling about how **** like this never happens in Gotham. So I was kind of stuck, with a driverless bus and no other way to pick up my Easter stuff.

****ing Batman.
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Old 04-25-2010, 03:41 PM   #2
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lol wtf

Last edited by Chromaticity; 04-25-2010 at 03:46 PM..
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Old 04-25-2010, 03:49 PM   #3
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Appropriate tag is appropriate.
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Old 04-25-2010, 03:54 PM   #4
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Old 04-25-2010, 03:56 PM   #5
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Wow, even I am funnier that this shit.
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Old 04-25-2010, 03:56 PM   #6
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I went back home for the weekend the other day – did the whole good Friday thing with the folks, then went out to the pub Saturday night. You’d think that they’d just give up on the whole weekend, given the amount of alcohol consumed at a traditional Easter barbie, but my town is full of pisstanks, and my friends are no exception, so the traditional Saturday gathering got shifted over to the Saturday.

Anyway, unsurprisingly, I’m not the only one up for the weekend. In fact, one of my mates from a different uni (studying law – useful friend to have I’m sure) came up, with his girlfriend and a friend of hers, Jen. Apparently, her parents were holidaying or something, but she couldn’t miss class, and kind of found herself with nothing to do for Easter. Pissed Cheyne off a little, but his loss was my gain. She was pretty, though not really what I’d’ve considered to be my type. Still, I figured I might as well try my luck, and things actually seemed to be going pretty well after an hour or so. Anyway, I get up to go to the bar (it’s my round) when suddenly I feel this tap on my shoulder. It’s an older guy – I don’t think I know him, but it’s hard to tell, because half of his face looks like it’s been burned or something – it’s pretty nastily scarred up.
“Excuse me” he says “Have you seen a guy, ‘bout yea tall, black mask, cape, rubber torso?”
“Err… yeah.” I say, trying not to stare at this guy’s disfigured half face. “I think he’s in the back, with the band.”
“Oh, cheers.” And he walks off.
Then, all of a sudden, the rest of my little group sort of scurry up, kind of furtive.
“Dude! Who was that?”
“I dunno. Some guy.”
“What did he want?”
“Looking for someone. ‘bout yea tall, black mask, cape, rubber torso.”
“That guy in the back?”
“Yeah, I assumed so.”
“Oh, righto. Any idea what for?”
“Didn’t say.”
“Oh. Fair enough.”

I think he got kind of curious, coz he was looking back in towards the back room a fair old bit, and then he said “I’m curious.”
“Wanna go check it out?”
“OK.”

So we go through the little hallway and round the corner, and end up in what looks like a scene from some movie. There, in the middle of the room, are the rubber torso guy and the disfigured guy, dancing. Practically dirty dancing. But strangely, there are no homoerotic overtones. At all. It’s like the dirty dancing of death. And then it hits me. The Rubber torso. The mask. I’d seen it all before.
“Batman?”
“Err… kind of busy” he says, pointing to the disfigured guy, but keeping in character by sort of sliding the finger down the other guys chest and spinning away from him.
“What the **** man? I thought you were in the city?”
“Well, I was.” He says, bringing one arm up and looking down the length into the others eyes. “But I heard Two Face here was in town, and was up to no good. I had to do something!”
“Two Face? Doesn’t he have, like, minions?”
“Well, normally, yeah.” He says as he leans backwards, the other dominantly leaning over the dark knight. “But apparently there were some troubles with getting them into the country – criminal records, baggage issues, you know”.
“Err” someone in the crowd pipes up. “That’s not Two Face. That’s my dad. He was injured in a housefire several years ago – the doctors worry that the scars may never heal.”

At this Batman just goes ****ing ****mix, chucks a batarang at the guy in the crowd and starts punching the crap out of this guy’s dad, knocks him to the ground and sticks the boot in half a dozen times. I’m pretty sure I hear at least one rib break.
“Yeah. That’ll teach you.” He says, leaning over the groaning form of the old guy, “I’m not ****ing gay.”
At this point, I suddenly realize that the two girls have followed us back and are standing in the little doorway watching this scene of violence with the same sense of surrealism as the rest of us. As batman brushes past, he kind of strokes Jen’s chin and says “Hey, ever seen a bat roost?”
Now, I thought that was pretty cheesy, but apparently the whole rubber torsoed billionaire thing does it for chicks, because the last time I saw Jen she was getting into the passenger side of the Batmobile.

****ing Batman.
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:09 PM   #7
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:23 PM   #8
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what the ****?
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:30 PM   #9
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oh well.. the booze within mustve thought this was funny (not hilarious, just mildly amusing)
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:41 PM   #10
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:43 PM   #11
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jesus fuck, what the hell is that?
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:47 PM   #12
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This had me laugh pretty hard.
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:51 PM   #13
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jesus fuck, what the hell is that?
You've clearly never read anything by David Icke.
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:51 PM   #14
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get back in the ass thread
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:52 PM   #15
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jesus fuck, what the hell is that?
CTHULHU FHTAGN
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Old 04-25-2010, 05:14 PM   #16
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GET'EM

BATMAN
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Old 04-26-2010, 03:16 AM   #17
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omg ii cumed
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Old 04-26-2010, 03:35 AM   #18
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MLry6Cn_D4
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