IS IT ME OR....

[m138jewski]

does it seem like half the worlds population walks in the bathroom at work when you are taking a shit.

[Cognitive Defeat]

I'll see you again same time tomorrow.

[Rottenatomy]

One day i forgot to lock the door.

[tck!]

The worst is when all your doing is making loud fart sounds too. That's when you just gotta go with it and make all sorts of comments.

"HOLY SHIT! That was unexpected!"

[m138jewski]

The worst is when all your doing is making loud fart sounds too. That's when you just gotta go with it and make all sorts of comments.

whats worse than that is the fucker next to you sounds like a dragster is coming out of his asshole

[tck!]

That's when you coach him through it.

[m138jewski]

That's when you coach him through it.

who does number 2 work for

[Rottenatomy]

hahaha dragster out of the asshole ftw

thought i fail pic would be on my way because of my comment...

[Axlaf]

Don´t you guys hate as well when you go to a public restroom in a need of disposal and there is total silence. So silent that everyone who walks in can hear you shrugging and shifting around on the toilet seat.

[Transient]

yeah i live in a dorm now, and everytime i go to do work people come in. and droping the kids off the pool used to be such a pleasurable experience, too!

[Rottenatomy]

I just don't take a shit outside my house/work.

[Johnny-Skinless]

But i guess sometimes you just can't avoid the unavoidable

[Transient]

nah i never once shit at highschool or my first year of college

[Lichtbringer]

Today at the gym I had to walk into the bathroom to wash off the iron cross I had painted onto my arm for fun some hours before ('cause shit like that might get you into trouble at the gym (mostly idiots there)) and there was some guy on the toilet blasting some insane sharts. It was awesome.

[m138jewski]

One day i forgot to lock the door.
sorry man, Im a little slow today

http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x1/m138jewski/FatChickPuking.jpg

[Infected]

Oh man i'm eating...

[Transient]

Today at the gym I had to walk into the bathroom to wash off the iron cross I had painted onto my arm for fun some hours before ('cause shit like that might get you into trouble at the gym (mostly idiots there)) and there was some guy on the toilet blasting some insane sharts. It was awesome.

everything about this post is absolutely hilarious

[m138jewski]

Don´t you guys hate as well when you go to a public restroom in a need of disposal and there is total silence. So silent that everyone who walks in can hear you shrugging and shifting around on the toilet seat.

thats the worst, i just wanna hold it in until people fucken leave

[Antæos]

I LOVE going to the shitter when at work. Getting paid to take a dump... what's not to love? And potentially getting back at your dickhead of a boss by smothering everyone in the room in your rectal gasses, fucking WIN

[Cognitive Defeat]

I swear we've had this topic before. I find it impossible not to shit at work, it's kind of annoying some times... one day last week I had 3 shits at work.

[Vriend]

Is thread going to be stickey?

[Cognitive Defeat]

Is thread going to be stickey?

Depends what you've been eating.

[Rottenatomy]

I swear we've had this topic before. I find it impossible not to shit at work, it's kind of annoying some times... one day last week I had 3 shits at work.same here. i was pretty bad man.

[shroudofimpurity]

who does number 2 work for

hahahaha... yeah! Austin Powers right?

[m138jewski]

hahahaha... yeah! Austin Powers right?

yeah, when tom arnold is sittin next to him and shit. funny as hell

[Johnny-Skinless]

This thread is manly. Hilarious.

[goblin]

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK SHIT is inevitable. For those who hate shitting at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.


CROP DUSTING - When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants

FLY BY - The act of scouting out a bathroom before shitting. Walk in and check for other shitters. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom

ESCAPEE - A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a dump in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy

JAILBREAK - When forcing a dump, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH - The act of flushing the toilet the instant the shit hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the shit has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME

WALK OF SHAME - Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH

OUT OF THE CLOSET SHITTER - A colleague who shits at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Shitter enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Shitter before entering the bathroom.

THE SHITTING FRIENDS NETWORK (S.F.N) - A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency shitting goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Shitters, and identify SAFE HAVENS

TURD BURGLAR - Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE - A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the shitter can shit in peace

WATERMELON - A dump that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH

HAVANA OMELET - A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED - A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to shit when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

...from EBaum's world and countless email forwards.

[Miscreant]

This thread wins on so many levels, it almost deserves a sticky.

[shroudofimpurity]

This thread wins on so many levels, it almost deserves a sticky.

it could quite possibly be the best thread I've ever read!

[Drowned]

I generally render the employees' toiled unusable for about 2 hours after I take a dump.

[Grindmasterflesh]

shit on it :-)

[Infected]

:emot-eek:

[Miscreant]

shit on it :-)

Now really, that was just uncalled for.

:emot-LOL:

[smorgasborg]

During first year college, the guys washroom on my floor had a chart in the stall, with a list of different types of shits. There was also a log, and you had to write your name, the type of shit you had and the time/date.

[Miscreant]

During first year college, the guys washroom on my floor had a chart in the stall, with a list of different types of shits. There was also a log, and you had to write your name, the type of shit you had and the time/date.

That is hilarious, almost like a science experiment!

[analredwing]

i always get caught not washing my hands :cool:

[Jotun]

As long as I don't have to use a handle to flush, I usually don't bother washing my hands...unless you get piss on yourself, or you have some wicked STD, I don't see the huge deal...it's not any different than touching your arm or face, haha. IMO...BUT, if there are other people in the restroom, I wash my hands just to make them happy, even though I know if they were alone they probably wouldn't bother either haha.

[analredwing]

As long as I don't have to use a handle to flush, I usually don't bother washing my hands...unless you get piss on yourself, or you have some wicked STD, I don't see the huge deal...it's not any different than touching your arm or face, haha. IMO...BUT, if there are other people in the restroom, I wash my hands just to make them happy, even though I know if they were alone they probably wouldn't bother either haha.

dude thats disgusting!:emot-shak

[epitaph]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVD2Q07i_-8

[Axlaf]

thats the worst, i just wanna hold it in until people fucken leave
Totally man! Hate silent restrooms, at least they should put some effort in playing music or whatever.

[m138jewski]

Totally man! Hate silent restrooms, at least they should put some effort in playing music or whatever.

ha ha no doubt. not even the courtesy to have a fan running. the silence in bathrooms can be deafening

[goblin]

All this talk about shitting at work...wish me luck, I'm goin' in.

[RICE510]

in terms of breaking the ice over publicly audible dump taking, I prefer the "Thank you Jesus!" method ala the farting preacher.

[phagist_]

As long as I don't have to use a handle to flush, I usually don't bother washing my hands...unless you get piss on yourself, or you have some wicked STD, I don't see the huge deal...it's not any different than touching your arm or face, haha. IMO...BUT, if there are other people in the restroom, I wash my hands just to make them happy, even though I know if they were alone they probably wouldn't bother either haha.

http://img212.imageshack.us/img212/617/fayulae3.jpg

[m138jewski]

oh my god, those chicks are fine

[JohnnyJihad]

We call that a triple threat

[goblin]

Really? 'Cause it looks more like "The Untouchables."

[VilEffigy]

I wonder why...

[Rottenatomy]

the hairy chick could at least shave herself.

[VilEffigy]

Maybe the hair is apart of her.

[ten_second_infinity]

That's probably why she's so hairy.

[VilEffigy]

I think the smiles are the killer part of the picture.

[RICE510]

Who's the chick in the left corner?

kinda cute.

[VilEffigy]

You're kidding...

[Rottenatomy]

You're kidding...yeah, he may be.

[phagist_]

^ The FAR FAR left, haha.

Well in the context of the picture she is pretty damn amazing.

[Defleshuary]

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q92/pezboy217/file.jpg

[Defleshuary]

TRUE STORY: BATTLE ASSES...

Sorry, I don't have anything to post about layoffs or politics, but I DO have another story from the Public Bathroom. Enjoy.

You are my arch nemisis. I see you wandering around as I go about my IT Computer Nerd business: Tall. Middle Eastern. Pot Belly. We catch each others eye every now and then and give each other a slight nod. I know you, I know what you do and I am on to your games.

I saw you this morning, we made eye contact. You nodded and took another bite of whatever Death-Ass producing garbage you fuel up on that makes the bathroom, smell like the inside of a dead monkey's colon, and nodded at me. I got you this time, fucker.

I give you my icey grin and nod back, then hurry back to my office. It's almost noon, and that's the time you like to run to the toilet and preform your daily ASS JIHAD on all the people just trying to wash their hands. Maybe in your country there is no commen sense that would tell you that lunch time = hand wash time. People want to get clean and eat, not be fumigated with the high octane liquid shit attack you subjigate them too.

But I got you this time. Yeah fucker I GOT SOMETHING COOKING UP FOR YOU! Two egg sandwiches with cheese. Greasy sausage patties. A couple glasses of Tang. Some leftover Chinese food. A Twix. Root Beer Soda. Some steamed brocoli I had in the fridge. A Hot Pocket with peperonni and cheese. A Chocolate Poptart. And like a cherry on top ... a McDonald's Quaterpounder with cheese.

I never eat this shit, it's all greasy and fucking nasty, but today is the day I fight back. I go out for a quick mile jog and almsot die. My stomach feels like there are two midgets fighting to the death inside there. I walk back to work, ass clenched tighter than a virgin's thighs at Church.

Great. The hot chick from next door wants to chat. She assumes the sweat on my face and arms is from running. She doesn't realize that it's a cold sweat induced by my severe sphicter trauma. She finally shuts up and I stagger to the Death Ass Arena.

You are there already in your favorite stall: The one right next to the fucking sinks. You stupid, socially retarded fuck. Fine. You have yet to begin your daily purge of Middle Eastern Ass Stew. I enter the stall next to you and drop my pants in preperation of the upcomming battle.

Your opening slavo is fired: A sloppy wet fart with a solid-shot closer. I laugh and show you the power of Advanced American Foodstuffs.

The tuba fart I unleash echos off the walls and shrinks my waistline about an inch. The guy at the urinal laughs as I slap the wall between you and I and say "Back to YOU, Kajid!". You are silent, I assume you know who I am and that the time has come for us to battle. I know you are summoning your intestinal fortitude for full out war.

You do not dissapoint me.

With a hissing "SSSShhhhhzzzzzzzzz!" you squirt out a deadly spray of ass juice that pollutes the air and makes my head swim. The pisser at the urinal is no longer laughing, he quickly zips up and runs for the door. He did not stop to wash his hands, instead opting to head for the hills. I cover my mouth and nose with my shirt and the black spots dissapear from my vision. My head clears. I am ready.

"AAaaaaaaaRRRRRGGGHHH!" I yell, as I drop Big Tim. That's short for "Big Timber" ... AKA "Mississippi Butt Log".

Quick-fire farts stutter out of my ass, as I push the monster log from the Shit Dimension into our reality. The beefy, yeasty stench easily overpowers the Indian Ass Gutter oder of your previous attack. Mega Turd hits the water in the bowl with a mighty splash, the reek is that of a dead whale slowly ripening in the hot, tropical sun. I catch my breath and wipe my brow, and start to pat myself on the back. I should have known the battle was not over.

The only thing I can think of is that you must has completly unzipped your ass to your elbow. That's the only way I could begin to explain the lumpy, creamy splashs falling out of your ass into the toilet. It sounds like you are pouring a gallon of strawberry shake with whole strawberries in it into the shitter. I see the hairs on my arms start to curl from the horrid stench wafting up from under your stall. I shudder and sway on my throne, unsure if I will survive.

I have no choice. I must employ the Deal Breaker. I hunker down and clench my hands together. My fingers twitch and entwine like a nest of snakes, almost like I am running through a series of ancient Ninja Hand Symbols. My feet lift up onto the toes and my legs start to shake.

"You want to play??" I growls. A low moaning comes from my stomach, like a dinosaur calling into a swampy, foggy night. "YOU GOT IT! AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Like Cloud summoning The Knights of the Round in Final Fantasy 7, I summon the Excalibur of Turd Demons to destroy my enemy. Hot magma-like shit rockets out of my ass, releasing a noxious, sticky cloud of deadly recal perfume. I hear you gag and see your feet shuffle around, but you can't get away, can you? No. You can't.

Veins throb on my neck and temples as the turd monster tears itself from my bowels. My lips skin back from my now clenched teeth and I try not to scream. Your roll of toilet paper rolls into my stall. You must have torn it from the wall with numb fingers in an attempt to "Wipe and Scoot". Too late. MUCH too late!

Oders pound you with merciless fists: Rotten Fruitcake stuffed with boiled chicken assholes. Hammered shit-logs served on a bed of week old white rice. Rosie O'Donnel's racid crotch farts. The smell of your mom's dank, hairy Middle Eastern armpits.

Your stall door bangs open and you stagger out. You take three unsteady steps to the door and can barely open it wide enough to slip out. I laugh at you before you leave. "Yeah! RUN, Fucker!" I yell, and laugh again. You say nothing.

It's all over except for the clean up. Fuck with me again, you shit filled Anal Terrorist. Me and my ass will be waiting.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/323013997.html

[foreign10]

yeah the girl on the farthest left is cute.

[brett]

Honestly, this should be stickied. I've been victim to the old 'trying to shit in a silent bathroom' too.

[phagist_]

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q92/pezboy217/file.jpg

:emot-LOL: Awesome!

[Defleshuary]

Seriously one of the best bits of bathroom writing I've ever seen haha.

[Nihilist]

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q92/pezboy217/file.jpg
HAHAHAAAAAAA! awesome!!!!

[Jotun]

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q92/pezboy217/file.jpg

And Miscreant says nothing good can come from marijuana...:emot-LOL:

[Vriend]

Is thread going to be stickey?

This thread is manly. Hilarious.

This thread wins on so many levels, it almost deserves a sticky.

it could quite possibly be the best thread I've ever read!

Honestly, this should be stickied.
http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd291/Mr_Floppyman/Thisthreadhasachievedlegendarystatu.jpg

[Axlaf]

ha ha no doubt. not even the courtesy to have a fan running. the silence in bathrooms can be deafening

Haha exactly man!!! Especially when the restroom is equipped with some new efficient toilets, I´ve tried the flush before and use the noise from that to shit, a diversion flush. But efficient mechnism is too quick and the toilet is refilled within seconds.....within that moment the defeaning silence comes once again. :emot-fail

[Egill]

I just don't take a shit outside my house/work.
Me neither. Done it maybe once or twice for the past 10 years.

[phagist_]

There's nothing more relaxing than sitting on the toilet for 20 minutes and dropping a massive turd, all in the comfort of your own home.

[sofia]

Haha exactly man!!! Especially when the restroom is equipped with some new efficient toilets, I´ve tried the flush before and use the noise from that to shit, a diversion flush. But efficient mechnism is too quick and the toilet is refilled within seconds.....within that moment the defeaning silence comes once again. :emot-fail

lmfao, diversion flush

[Sleazebuster]

This is hilarious and oh so true.
Ever tried putting masses of toilet paper down before hand? Cushions the blow, as so to speak. Totally rids the all embarrassing 'yes i've just done a massive shit, now here it fall' sound!
Either that or wait till someone activates the hand dryer.

It would appear i spend way to much time shitting then doing any work.

[sofia]

This is hilarious and oh so true.
Ever tried putting masses of toilet paper down before hand? Cushions the blow, as so to speak. Totally rids the all embarrassing 'yes i've just done a massive shit, now here it fall' sound!
Either that or wait till someone activates the hand dryer.

It would appear i spend way to much time shitting then doing any work.

Aren't you afraid of clogging the toilet?

[ChAAPY]

I make sure all my shits are taken at home :)

[Sleazebuster]

Aren't you afraid of clogging the toilet?

By 'masses of toilet paper' i simply mean enough to silence the thump.
My work toilet seems pretty invisible so far.

[Drowned]

By 'masses of toilet paper' i simply mean enough to silence the thump.

It also eliminates the resulting splash of water that would otherwise dampen your ass and testicles. :emot-LOL:

[phagist_]

It also eliminates the resulting splash of water that would otherwise dampen your ass and testicles. :emot-LOL:

That splash is fucking horrid.

Whenever I'm letting a big one go I'm always on the lookout to prevent any splashage.

[Sleazebuster]

It also eliminates the resulting splash of water that would otherwise dampen your ass and testicles. :emot-LOL:

Exactly, although in my case minus the testicles.
Toilet tissue is simply the way forward. This needs to be added to the education system.

[Disembodiment]

HAHAHA!!!

I'll always remembered my year at Uni for sitting at the back in lecture theatres for hours per-day trying to hold in some monster ass ripplers while scribbling notes on shit i didnt understand.

[m138jewski]

Haha exactly man!!! Especially when the restroom is equipped with some new efficient toilets, I´ve tried the flush before and use the noise from that to shit, a diversion flush. But efficient mechnism is too quick and the toilet is refilled within seconds.....within that moment the defeaning silence comes once again. :emot-fail

:emot-LMAO

[m138jewski]

Is thread going to be stickey?

done

[Infidelis]

if a shit mustbe taken in public, make it an upper decker

[Rottenatomy]

donehttp://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a396/obrien21/down.jpg

[Sleazebuster]

HAHAHA!!!

I'll always remembered my year at Uni for sitting at the back in lecture theatres for hours per-day trying to hold in some monster ass ripplers while scribbling notes on shit i didnt understand.

Oh now you've got me onto the stomach noises that erupt from holding in gasses and the such.
Too much caffeine at work used to turn my stomach into an exploding hell.

[m138jewski]

it blows my mind how some of you can avoid taking shits in places other than your home. I shit like 4, 5 times a day

[Transient]

i saw that push button recieve bacon thing in my school in new york, defleshuary, whered you take that photo?

and HAHA i bet matt is sure glad this isnt his forum now. imagine it being the DB forum with a thread on work crapping stickied

[Egill]

I'm pretty sure this is the best thread I've ever seen.

[Rottenatomy]

it blows my mind how some of you can avoid taking shits in places other than your home. I shit like 4, 5 times a daydamn do you eat a bull per day?

[m138jewski]

damn do you eat a bull per day?

i dont know man, I've actually been dieting for the last few months and I still shit alot. i guess my digestive system works good or something

[Egill]

i dont know man, I've actually been dieting for the last few months and I still shit alot. i guess my digestive system works good or something
But 4-5 times a day is an exaggeration, right? More than twice a day seems crazy to me.

[m138jewski]

But 4-5 times a day is an exaggeration, right? More than twice a day seems crazy to me.

no its really not, i crap 3 times before noon... every day

[Drowned]

Oh now you've got me onto the stomach noises that erupt from holding in gasses and the such.
Too much caffeine at work used to turn my stomach into an exploding hell.
hah, I had a severe case today in statistics class....I think everyone in the lecture hall could hear my explosive decompression.

[Rottenatomy]

damn mike lol

[m138jewski]

ever fart getting head?

[Rottenatomy]

huh?

[m138jewski]

huh?

a bj

[Rottenatomy]

goddamn

[Goaters]

mike you must consume a hell of a lot of fiber for breakfast if you're taking 3 dumps before noon. what a fuckin shit machine!!

[m138jewski]

mike you must consume a hell of a lot of fiber for breakfast if you're taking 3 dumps before noon. what a fuckin shit machine!!

i love dropping fudge dragons

[Rottenatomy]

ever fart getting head?what do you mean, whore?

[Goaters]

what do you mean, whore?

hahaha fo real?

[Rottenatomy]

yeah for real

[m138jewski]

what do you mean, whore?

i mean did you (not you specifically) ever fart while getting your meat helmet polished

[ten_second_infinity]

what do you mean, whore?

head = blow job.

[Goaters]

have you ever ripped one off whilst getting a blowy

[Rottenatomy]

i mean did you (not you specifically) ever fart while getting your meat helmet polishedahhhh haha possibly.

[m138jewski]

I did once in the 69 position.. it was a WIN for all mankind. she was a trooper though, she kept goin

[Dr. Satan]

I did once in the 69 position.. it was a WIN for all mankind. she was a trooper though, she kept goin

:emot-eek: legendary

[Rottenatomy]

I did once in the 69 position.. it was a WIN for all mankind. she was a trooper though, she kept goinLMAO

[Dr. Satan]

ok while we're on the topic of fecal matter in association with one's significant other...

when i was in high school me and another dude were walking down a hallway during lunch, then these two chicks came walking in our direction, talking to each other. we didn't think anything of it until one of them said "well he shit on you, so you should be able to shit on him."

we collapsed on the spot and had a laughing fit.

[Rottenatomy]

literally bizzare

[Goaters]

ok while we're on the topic of fecal matter in association with one's significant other...

when i was in high school me and another dude were walking down a hallway during lunch, then these two chicks came walking in our direction, talking to each other. we didn't think anything of it until one of them said "well he shit on you, so you should be able to shit on him."

we collapsed on the spot and had a laughing fit.

amazing.. my friend and band mate is constantly going on about shitting on chicks or dicks or whatever.. pretty sick stuff. but hilarious none the less.

[m138jewski]

feces is where I draw the line

[Transient]

hahaha nobody understood the word "head"

anyway my stomach gurgles when i havent eaten anything. shifting around in the seat/shufflign papers hardly covers it up too hahaha

[Cognitive Defeat]

ok while we're on the topic of fecal matter in association with one's significant other...

when i was in high school me and another dude were walking down a hallway during lunch, then these two chicks came walking in our direction, talking to each other. we didn't think anything of it until one of them said "well he shit on you, so you should be able to shit on him."

we collapsed on the spot and had a laughing fit.

So you've never heard that as a metaphorical expression?

[Vriend]

it blows my mind how some of you can avoid taking shits in places other than your home. I shit like 4, 5 times a day
:emot-LMAO:emot-LMAO:emot-LMAO

Why are people embarressed if they are going to take a shit? Like it's something very few people do! We all shit!

[Vriend]

done
<3

[Wakeness]

I'm LOLing that this thread actually did graduate into being a sticky....

[Moltroll]

i mean did you (not you specifically) ever fart while getting your meat helmet polished

You mean the scepter??? :emot-LOL: :emot-LMAO

Also, Jewski - you shit too many times a day I think. Any colon problems??? :emot-LOL:

[m138jewski]

Also, Jewski - you shit too many times a day I think. Any colon problems??? :emot-LOL:

no, im actually quite healthy

[ChAAPY]

ever fart getting head?

yes.... fuck the girls that stop when that happens. I've been queefed on and I kept going, haha.

[Moltroll]

no, im actually quite healthy

Good for you. :emot-blin

Sometimes I shit ten times a day, or even more.

[m138jewski]

Sometimes I shit ten times a day, or even more.

good lord

[Rottenatomy]

Good for you. :emot-blin

Sometimes I shit ten times a day, or even more.you must be kidding

[ten_second_infinity]

yes.... fuck the girls that stop when that happens. I've been queefed on and I kept going, haha.

:emot-LOL:

[Moltroll]

you must be kidding

No, I'm not. Colon problems, unfortunately. :emot-fail

Which means I know much more about shitting than you do! :emot-LOL:

[m138jewski]

No, I'm not. Colon problems, unfortunately. :emot-fail

Which means I know much more about shitting than you do! :emot-LOL:

isnt shitting more better than shitting less?

[Rottenatomy]

damn moly, cheer up my whore.

[Moltroll]

isnt shitting more better than shitting less?

Ummm, it depends whether you know if there's a restroom near you or not. :emot-LOL:

[Cannibalistic_Horror]

yes.... fuck the girls that stop when that happens. I've been queefed on and I kept going, haha.

:emot-LOL:

[Miscreant]

feces is where I draw the line

...says that man that has a song about eating the shit of old people :emot-LOL:

[m138jewski]

...says that man that has a song about eating the shit of old people :emot-LOL:

hey get it right.... its eating the shit of the dead and I didn't write that one, although I did come up with the song title. :emot-look

[Djeez]

isnt shitting more better than shitting less?

Not really.There's a balance of course.If you shit too much it might be because your colon doesn't absorb enough water.Also if the feces don't stay enough time in your colon you can have a lack of vitamine K.

Or maybe your bowels are just as brutal as your band.

[Transient]

mol i love how frank you are about your disease

fuck that, nothign can take away your dignity!

[Miscreant]

hey get it right.... its eating the shit of the dead and I didn't write that one, although I did come up with the song title. :emot-look

My favorite line still is the "Cum on their bedsores" :emot-LMAO

I used to work in an old folks home and that line would get me everytime

[m138jewski]

my fave line from that is bed pan bon' appetit. that boy ruben ain't right in the head lol

[Miscreant]

Speaking of Ruben, his chick is hawt as hell

[Vriend]

Speaking of Ruben, his chick is hawt as hell
pics?

[Vriend]

isnt shitting more better than shitting less?
You have a point my sir.

[phagist_]

Ummm, it depends whether you know if there's a restroom near you or not. :emot-LOL:

:emot-LOL: :emot-LOL:

[El-Heino]

haha, this thread does rule. Man, living a couple of years in South America I've amazed some crazy shit stories.

Anyway, before that, I'll share one of the first shit jokes I ever got when I got my first email account in 1994:


THE GHOST SHIT
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet.

THE CLEAN SHIT
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwipped so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a brown stain.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT
It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT or
THE POP A VEIN IN YOUR FORHEAD SHIT
The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SHIT
Self-explanatory.

THE LINCON LOG SHIT
The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush.

THE DRINKER'S SHIT
That is the kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread marks left on the bottom of the toilet.

THE GEE, I WISH I COULD SHIT, SHIT
It's the kind where you want to shit, but all you can do is sit on the toilet cramped, and fart a few times.

THE SPINAL TAP SHIT
That's the kind where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.

THE WET CHEEKS SHIT or THE POWER DUMP
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE QUAD SHIT
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toiletbowl, the whole time, chronically burning your tender anus.

THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT
A class all of its own.

THE OTTOMAN SHIT
The kind where the odour of the mess creeps out of the restroom and throughout the building to make the entire building sick or near evacuation. (This has been noted to happen in several bowling alleys in the past few years especially.)

THE CROWD PLEASER
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

THE MOOD ENHANCER
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

THE RITUAL
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.

THE GROANER
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

THE FLOATER
Characterised by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings.

THE RANGER
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

THE PHANTOM SHIT
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

THE BOMBSHELL
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.

THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

THE OLYMPIC SHIT
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.

THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T shit.

PREMEDITATED SHIT
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

SHITZOPHERENIA
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!

ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.

THE POWER DUMP SHIT
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)

THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

THE PORRIDGE SHIT
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air.

THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" SHIT
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

THE "TURBO-CHARGER" SHIT
You're sitting there, minding your business, so to speak, thinking everything is normal, and suddenly there is a totally unexpected, yet full and robust passing of wind, followed by more, perfectly normal shit. This typically results in a completely soaked behind.

JACK THE RIPPER SHIT
The kinda shit that rips the hair outa you ass when it comes out.

THE FRIGHTENED TURTLE SHIT
The kinda shit that pokes its head outa your asshole and then shoots right back into your ass.

[Kris]

why the hell is this a sticky thread?

[sofia]

because http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/51G3CDPSXZL.jpg

[Goaters]

because http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/51G3CDPSXZL.jpg
i've read that book!
best part of that book is that the authors last name means "rubbish" in English.. haha.

[phagist_]

^ haha. What is it? Like some instructional book for kiddies on how to poop?

[Goaters]

^ haha. What is it? Like some instructional book for kiddies on how to poop?

can't really remember just recognise the cover. i think it's just a a story about a kid pooing or something. a day in the life of type thing.

[Kris]

so that means apples poop too? apples are people right?

[captaincleanoff]

yeh, why is this a sticky?!

[The Midnight Rider]

if a shit mustbe taken in public, make it an upper decker

there was two month period in high school where i would routinely upper-deck the taco bell we'd always go to for lunch at least 2 times a week.

i work at a pizza place and eat pizza or some other form of shitty fried food on pretty much every one of my breaks--i do a lot of shitting at work. it's gotten to the point that the girls won't even use the employee bathroom anymore 'cause the guys just go in there and destroy the fucking place umpteen times a day.

[Sleazebuster]

THE GHOST SHIT
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet.

Those have gotta be the most unsatisfying shits known to man.
I like to see what i've produced, it's almost like a trophy.

[Axlaf]

This is the one of my favorites, had it in the side of the front seat passenger door of my car for entertaining, reading whilst driving long distances. :D

http://images.buch.ch/images-adb/20/fe/20fedfcb-4190-4ac2-97c7-889db2c64787.jpg

[Sleazebuster]

Your avatar has got to be legendary in its self.

[Archaeon]

Whenever shitting at school i would always just bounce to the nurse's private bathrooms. kids do it all the time and they don't really give a fuck. I've done public shitting a few times, all terrible.

[Transient]

This is the one of my favorites, had it in the side of the front seat passenger door of my car for entertaining, reading whilst driving long distances. :D

http://images.buch.ch/images-adb/20/fe/20fedfcb-4190-4ac2-97c7-889db2c64787.jpg

who knows what kind of hat the little mole is wearing?

huh?

[m138jewski]

THE CROWD PLEASER
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

:emot-LMAO

[m138jewski]

so that means apples poop too? apples are people right?

yes they are.. so are ducks

[Axlaf]

It´s a shit the mole is wearing. Some kind of an educational reading for kids, fucked up I think. The mole goes around asking various animals if they shat on its head and the animals show what kind of a shit they produce. haha

[Lichtbringer]

I know that book also, think I've owned it at some point. It's not fucked up though.

[ChAAPY]

*edit* FUCK

[Miscreant]

why the hell is this a sticky thread?

Because shit humor is worth the sticky. Plus the fascist tyrannical Mods on this board are so Nazi-ish that they thought it would be good to sticky such an awesome thread. Mods are dum! Anarchy!

[Infected]

ive never taken a shit in my life

[Miscreant]

ive never taken a shit in my life

That must be shitty.

[Infected]

That must be shitty.

yep :emot-fail

[phagist_]

It´s a shit the mole is wearing. Some kind of an educational reading for kids, fucked up I think. The mole goes around asking various animals if they shat on its head and the animals show what kind of a shit they produce. haha

haha I LOVE that book, my school library has it!

[comorbid]

My favorite line still is the "Cum on their bedsores" :emot-LMAO

I used to work in an old folks home and that line would get me everytime

you think devourement lyrics are bad...

my friend's uncle who worked at an old folks hospital was telling us a story that started out as " y'know those vanilla-chocolate swirled soft serve dispensers?"
well he had to wipe some vegged fogies ass, and it had crazy swollen sores right next to the sphincter, so when he wiped.. the paper had half feces, and half pus on it.

" just like soft serve ice cream."

[Infected]

you think devourement lyrics are bad...

my friend's uncle who worked at an old folks hospital was telling us a story that started out as " y'know those vanilla-chocolate swirled soft serve dispensers?"
well he had to wipe some vegged fogies ass, and it had crazy swollen sores right next to the sphincter, so when he wiped.. the paper had half feces, and half pus on it.

" just like soft serve ice cream."

...

:emot-fail

[SculptedCold]

That's a worthy anecdote.

[phagist_]

Is it weird that on the shitter today, I thought of this thread...?

[SculptedCold]

No. I'll do the same.

[Vriend]

I took a huge shit this morning, goddamn, that pile of shit was huge!

[Egill]

Is it weird that on the shitter today, I thought of this thread...?
Hah I did that too.

[phagist_]

This thread is gunna get bigger than the psalms thread!

[Goaters]

yeah if people keep updating it with their daily shit reporting.. fuck some of you will be posting in it 4, 5 times a day to tell as which way the shit tale was pointing on your last dump.
remind me never to view this thread whilst eating
i was chomping down on a ice cream sandwich when i read that shit and pus "just like soft serve ice cream" bit
foul mouthes youths corrupting my dining habits!!

[Rottenatomy]

today i had to take a shit at the hospital. fuck

[Vriend]

How was the atmosphere there? Were you conformtable or not really, but you had to go really badly?

Btw, do you sometimes fart and you are almost dying of your own stench?

[Cannibalistic_Horror]

Btw, do you sometimes fart and you are almost dying of your own stench?
Every Christmas. Eat tonnes of cabbage and nearly gas myself to death in my bed.:emot-LOL:

[Vriend]

Every Christmas. Eat tonnes of cabbage and nearly gas myself to death in my bed.:emot-LOL:
Goddamn :emot-eek:
Sometimes I think:"I don't want to commit suicide, yet this fart makes me think I want to gas myself to death."

[Vriend]

Goddamn, I just took a huge shit just now! I feel better now.

[Cannibalistic_Horror]

Goddamn, I just took a huge shit just now! I feel better now.

Pics or it didn't happen.

[phagist_]

Pics or it didn't happen.

oh dear. I hope to god that no pics emerge in this thread...

[Cannibalistic_Horror]

oh dear. I hope to god that no pics emerge in this thread...

I will make sure they do. You will never be able to eat lunch again!

[Moltroll]

^^hehehe, where's De Profundis goddammit!

[Vriend]

Have one of you been traveling to public transportation and you had to took a huge shit! The force is powerfull, but there isn't a toilet nearby.

[sakaali]

Last night I had some mega hot, spicy noodles. Huuuuge mistake. It seriously felt like my stomach was going to implode at work today. Didn't keep count but it felt like I was dropping steaming lava like a dozen times. And the gasses... oh man, the gasses. It was painful to keep it inside, but I was a trooper. I did a test round while no one was around and sure enough, the intensity of the stink was almost fatal

[Miscreant]

I love eating a shit ton of Raisin Bran and taking a huge dump. The last time I did it, I had such a nice pile of poo that was so huge that it rose out of the water and took up the entire bowl.

If you ever want to experiment with this, try eating NOTHING BUT Raisin Bran, or some cereal/food that has at least 8 grams or more of fiber in it.

[Rottenatomy]

hahaha ^ both posts

[m138jewski]

Last night I had some mega hot, spicy noodles. Huuuuge mistake. It seriously felt like my stomach was going to implode at work today. Didn't keep count but it felt like I was dropping steaming lava like a dozen times. And the gasses... oh man, the gasses. It was painful to keep it inside, but I was a trooper. I did a test round while no one was around and sure enough, the intensity of the stink was almost fatal

werd dude, same here. mexican and spicy chinese does me in every time. tastes so good at the time, but fucks me in the end. feels like your shitting hot coals

[Drowned]

I love eating a shit ton of Raisin Bran and taking a huge dump.
:emot-LMAO

[Goaters]

holy shit!
out of control..
shot gun blast shit
scattered all over the bowel

[Vriend]

win

[Cannibalistic_Horror]

holy shit!
out of control..
shot gun blast shit
scattered all over the bowel

Next time it happens, take photos. Lots and lots of photos.


:emot-LOL:

[Sleazebuster]

My work mates and i had a 'lunch gang' in which to get accepted you had to find an unflushed turd and take a photo.
Unfortunality people started cheating. Such terrible events.

Yes, we're all terribly grown up! However people at my work are far more unhygienic/gross then when i was at school!

[Moltroll]

Last night I had some mega hot, spicy noodles. Huuuuge mistake. It seriously felt like my stomach was going to implode at work today. Didn't keep count but it felt like I was dropping steaming lava like a dozen times. And the gasses... oh man, the gasses. It was painful to keep it inside, but I was a trooper. I did a test round while no one was around and sure enough, the intensity of the stink was almost fatal

That's pretty normal when you eat spicy stuff.

[goblin]

Went to a high school football game last night and had to use the school facilities at half time. Stall #1 had a horrible stack of shit coming out of it, stall #2 was only slightly better, stall #3 was the winner. This got me wondering...do people bring shit to public toilets? I mean, the sheer volume of shit suggested either multiple contributors (horrible), shit compiled elsewhere and deposited (horrible), or one poor bastard who shat his entire digestive tract out into the bowl.
I mean...for fucks sake, who saves up for a public toilet?!?!?

[Vriend]

Went to a high school football game last night and had to use the school facilities at half time. Stall #1 had a horrible stack of shit coming out of it, stall #2 was only slightly better, stall #3 was the winner. This got me wondering...do people bring shit to public toilets? I mean, the sheer volume of shit suggested either multiple contributors (horrible), shit compiled elsewhere and deposited (horrible), or one poor bastard who shat his entire digestive tract out into the bowl.
I mean...for fucks sake, who saves up for a public toilet?!?!?
wtf??

[Jotun]

Dripping with defecation
Panties soaking with desire
Excreta gazed on fingertips
Feces shared upon each others lips
Spread apart with lustful ardor
Enticing scent rises sweet and repugnant
Hungry holes ache for sick fulfillment
Shit-hole winks with putrid feculence
Grinding labia locked together
Nipples roused to swell and harden
Pubes gnashed in wild abandon
Crotches raw from pussy friction
Captured in the throes of pleasure
Gashes gushing rank secretions
Bodily functions brought to failure
Anus wrought incontinent
Soft serve snakes emerge
Fecal phallus sucked like cocks
Bathed in blasts of searing ass piss
Cunts impaled on shit

Tits fucked with giant logs of shit
Smeared upon their swollen clits
Burning as they're drenched in anal climax
Gas sucked directly from the ass

Spread apart as chunks are passed in large segments
From a tortured anus
Savored on their tongue
Flavor of their dung
Stinking rectal birth
Cuckolds filled with girth
Whores finger-fuck their dirty cores
Bulging with hemorrhoidal sores
Cracked and broken seeping blood and feces
Tits fucking with giant logs of shit
Smeared upon their gapping slits
Penetrated with a massive stink log

Defecate to please
Snorting rectal breeze
Fecal fetish feast
Fucked with pure disease

[Cognitive Defeat]

SHOVE MY FAECES DOWN YOUR THROAT!

[m138jewski]

heres my shitting story for the day. I went to the bathroom at work. took a nice shit, no constipation, things went relatively smoothly. wrong. no tp. fuuuuck. i frantically searched, nothing. had to call one of my coworkers to come to my rescue. embarassing

[Rottenatomy]

FUCK

In this case, check with your hand first. could be a ghost wipe.

[Vriend]

heres my shitting story for the day. I went to the bathroom at work. took a nice shit, no constipation, things went relatively smoothly. wrong. no tp. fuuuuck. i frantically searched, nothing. had to call one of my coworkers to come to my rescue. embarassingthis is a reason to always have your cellphone with you in case of an emergency.

[m138jewski]

this is a reason to always have your cellphone with you in case of an emergency.

true. if i feel its gonna be a tough one Ill bring it to play bejewelled whilst pooping, but most of the time I leave it at my desk. good thing I had it

[phagist_]

FUCK

In this case, check with your hand first. could be a ghost wipe.

What!? Never!
I'd rather call a colleague to get me some toilet paper than get shit on my hand!

[Infidelis]

SHOVE MY FAECES DOWN YOUR THROAT!

you beat me to it

[Vriend]

true. if i feel its gonna be a tough one Ill bring it to play bejewelled whilst pooping, but most of the time I leave it at my desk. good thing I had it
Bejewelled, like the game!

[Sleazebuster]

Bejewelled, like the game!

Bejewelled is ace. I played it for 8 hours on my flight to and from Detroit.

[Cannibalistic_Horror]

I just took a rather relaxing shit. Quite different to all the other shits I have taken recently, where it is like passing out a hammer head first. And I realise now that I didn't take a photo.:emot-fail

[Sleazebuster]

Ever watched 'you are what you eat'?

[Infected]

Ever watched 'you are what you eat'?

I fucking hate that woman. Considering she's Queen of Health she looks like a corpse warmed up specifically for that show

She likes to sift through fat peoples poo

[Sleazebuster]

My point exactly. I was always eating dinner around the point when Gillian Mckeith would appear on TV.

[Infected]

I'd rather look at the poo than the reptillian scrotum that is her face

[grotesquery]

Damn, I've been having the runs allday today at work luckly though the bathrooms are single rooms but it's super quite here so I'm sure everyone can hear me spewing these mad shit farts I've been having like craZy :/

[m138jewski]

it will thrill you all to know that I have had a very pleasant shitting day.
didn't even need that much t.p., gotta say it was a good day

[Moltroll]

Damn, today I was taking shit @ work and someone put the light out. Goddammit! I got some raisins cause I pushed too hard I think...

So anyway, I put my pants on, just to cover my ass and went to the hall with small steps like a penguin to put the light back on.


:emot-LOL:

[phagist_]

it will thrill you all to know that I have had a very pleasant shitting day.
didn't even need that much t.p., gotta say it was a good day

fuck you, I had a shit shitting day yesterday.

Had the runs like a mofo and were spewing out these devastating farts.

however, all that was fixed with a massive dump.

[brett]

My PSP and I are off to take a hefty shit right now. :emot-yum:

And I can't believe you shit that much, Mike. I only piss 2 or 3 times a day.

[Jotun]

Damn, today I was taking shit @ work and someone put the light out. Goddammit! I got some raisins cause I pushed too hard I think...

So anyway, I put my pants on, just to cover my ass and went to the hall with small steps like a penguin to put the light back on.


:emot-LOL:

Hahaha I did that to people all the time in high school. It was either that or getting giant wads of paper towels, soaking them in the sink and throwing them at the wall as hard as I could so the people taking their shit in the stall would get blasted with water and soggy paper :emot-LOL:

[Silence Is Deafening]

A known fact: sweeteners = diarrhea

Hahaha

This happened to me a few days ago because of this.

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/419BT5P+ryL._AA280_.jpg
The Sugar-free ones, of corse.

[veshly]

If you're ever bored on a sunday or someshit, drink 2-3 litres of orange juice with extra pulp.

Man, hottest farts ever, warms your legs and everything.

[phagist_]

^ LOL just the treat for a cold winters night.

[GrindYourMind]

Hangover shits this morning. They always smell the worst.

My least favorite pooping experience has to be when I try to shit and only get like...foam, it's really disturbing.

[Cloaca]

The Sugar-free ones, of corse.

Excessive consumption of any of those sugar-substituted products is likely to result in an anal Chernobyl. I've had some bad days.

[Egill]

Hangover shits this morning. They always smell the worst.
So true. :emot-fail

[Shawn]

nah i never once shit at highschool or my first year of college

[AllP0werToSlaves]

I just took a shit. It was fantastic.

That is all.

[Moltroll]

I just took a shit. It wasn't fantastic.

That is all.:emot-LOL:

[Fear the Klown]

Suprisingly, mexican food does NOT give me the shits, nor chinese food. just heartburn. I always try to have something with me when i take a shit too. beit a book, cd booklet, cell phone with bejewled, or my iPod with solitaire and bricks. The worst thing is those automatic flush toilets. YOU know the ones. Where if you lean too far forward it flushes automatically, without your knowledge or consent, thereby soaking the bottom half of your ass. yeah....another roough one is if you dont shut the door good enough at home and the dog bursts in like a retard and bits at your feet. I never did anything mean like fuck with someone while they were on the can, but the worst i've done in a while was on an airplane: my shit clumped together and wouldnt flush, so i left it and went back to my seat. I figured fuck it, there was a lot of turbulence while i was in there, i earned it.

[m138jewski]

Suprisingly, mexican food does NOT give me the shits, nor chinese food. just heartburn.

how old are you? it started that way for me too but it will catch up eventually. that shit does do damage to your digestive system and eventually you will be shitting hot lava

[AllP0werToSlaves]

I don't really get anything but tired when I eat Chinese.

[GrindYourMind]

Made some Falafel yesterday, gave me horrdendous gas and all that fiber made me pass one nice, big poo. Hoorah.

[Goaters]

artificial sweeteners have a laxative effect on your body.. which means too much consumption of a product sweetened artificially can cause ones bowels to expel
said be.. polish off a nice 400g bag of black licorice and holyy shiits you'll be shitting out some chronic stuff.

[Fear the Klown]

<<<< 19

But I'll be damned if it doesn't give me heartburn. I'm starting to get some almost everyday. cutting back on all my acidic foods though.

[m138jewski]

<<<< 19

But I'll be damned if it doesn't give me heartburn. I'm starting to get some almost everyday. cutting back on all my acidic foods though.

19? ha ha. your butthole is in for some hot summer nights

[m138jewski]

Dude, did anyone see the newest Southpark?? ha ha, this thread came at the perfect time

[Fear the Klown]

19? ha ha. your butthole is in for some hot summer nights

Ha ha ha, laugh it up buddy....=P

[GrindYourMind]

New South Park was brilliant. "Emmy Award Winning Series" was priceless.

[The Midnight Rider]

pretty rough crapping day today.

i drank my weight in PBR last night, and i'm pretty sure i could shit through a screen door without touching wire at this point.

[Drowned]

artificial sweeteners have a laxative effect on your body.. which means too much consumption of a product sweetened artificially can cause ones bowels to expel
said be.. polish off a nice 400g bag of black licorice and holyy shiits you'll be shitting out some chronic stuff.
So true....licorice is fucking deadly.

[phagist_]

yeh that happens when having too much gum as well!

[Fear the Klown]

Really? I chow down on a LOT of gum, and i dont get affected by it either...

[Goaters]

yeh that happens when having too much gum as well!

only if it has artificial sweeteners in it.

Really? I chow down on a LOT of gum, and i dont get affected by it either...
sounds like you're addicted to chewing gum.. can be serious..


Edit: usually it should say on the back of a gum pack that "chewing this gum may have a laxative effect" it's mostly on the sugar free gums
neet..like potato chips that cause anal leakage

[m138jewski]

i drank my weight in PBR last night

yikes!:emot-fail

[Vriend]

Today I was taking a shit at school, I phoned my dad and told him I was taking a shit.

[Henrik]

Today I was taking a shit at school, I phoned my dad and told him I was taking a shit.

Out of curiousity, are you really 32 years old? :emot-LOL:

[Vriend]

Out of curiousity, are you really 32 years old? :emot-LOL:
Perhaps

[Lichtbringer]

No, he isn't.

[AllP0werToSlaves]

All this talk about shitting makes me have to shit.

[m138jewski]

All this talk about shitting makes me have to shit.

get to it!

[m138jewski]

I just took one. 1 piece, 1 wipe, done! doesn't get any better

[Moltroll]

Hehe, don't be joking Mike, 1 piece means shit on your hands.:emot-LOL:

[m138jewski]

Hehe, don't be joking Mike, 1 piece means shit on your hands.:emot-LOL:

1 nice clean turd with no broken ends....win!

[GrindYourMind]

Thai noodles = http://www.planearium2.de/bilder/charaktere-mrmarsh.jpg

Hot hot hot hot hot.

[Moltroll]

1 nice clean turd with no broken ends....win!

Well, it is a possible but very, very rare case. :emot-LOL: