Famous Guitarist Arrested for Drugs and Assault

Guitarist Quinn Gelastio of touring metal band FrequencyX2 was recently arrested for possession of a controlled substance (Blue Ice) and assault with a deadly weapon (his guitar) at a recent Chicago gig. According to satirical outlet RKFD News:

Police became suspicious after watching the heavy metal guitarist smoking something ?non-traditional”. He was inhaling a blue (vapor) from a very odd looking device.  It looked like a jellybean dispenser, but it was made out of glass.  (The vapor) had an immediate effect on him, he became unruly, and that?s when we decided to make the arrest.?

Shortly thereafter, Gelastio hurled his guitar into the crowd in a fit of rage after complaints around the length of his solo stuck the wrong chord. Several people were reportedly injured. Following his arrest, FrequencyX2′s band manager released the following statement:

?Quinn was arrested for possession of the ?Blue Ice? after enjoying one of a few guitar solos without just cause, and we intend to file an investigation along with a lawsuit on all those who condemn his solos, as well as the false accusations that Quinn was enjoying a drug that police have never seen before around the Rockford, IL region. Mr. Gelastio is one of the most amazing, guitar shredders we?ve seen in America in a very long time. He also has bizarre smoking habits that enhances his live performances.

The ?Blue Ice? he was arrested for smoking is a homemade batch of of all blue colored Nerds? candy mixed with blue Jolly Ranchers that Quinn himself melts down to a liquid by adding a touch of milk, honey and flour. Mr. Gelastio is a candy connoisseur when he?s not touring.

Quinn is a candy addict and there is nothing we want to do to stop it because it enhances his guitar playing, which has made FrequencyX2 one of the most exciting metal bands to emerge from Lars Ulrich?s dark shadow. We can?t wait to get out of dodge, this place is too f____d up for FrequencyX2 and for Quinn Gelastio.